


I'm Not Afraid to Die

by HavocRoyale



Series: In the Garden of Your Heart [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Lust Havoc AU, Snarky Lust, Temporary Character Death, graphic descriptions of pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HavocRoyale/pseuds/HavocRoyale
Summary: Jean Havoc is hardly in a position to negotiate his body and soul…lucky him, he’s never been one to pay attention to his odds before making a gamble.Lust isn’t much of a teamsport, but right now, Jean’s body is the only one she’s got.Roy's just worried about one of his best soldiers and closest friends.
Relationships: Envy & Lust (Fullmetal Alchemist), Jean Havoc & Roy Mustang, Jean Havoc/Lust, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Series: In the Garden of Your Heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571866
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	1. Keep Our Truths Hidden

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy again! This has like _a lot_ of descriptions of intense pain at the beginning as a heads up! Other than that it's probably exactly what you're expecting if you read the summary and tags lol

The first thing Jean notices is the sound of someone speaking, whoever it was they sounded far away. Lazily, he tries to open his eyes only to be greeted by darkness. Before he knows it, some of the darkness seems to move, wrapping around his chest like a snake and sending a cold feeling through his body as it tightened its grip on the lieutenant. Briefly he thinks he sees a small figure pass in front of him, no bigger than a small child.

Whoever or whatever it is, it speaks, the voice seems to echo and revertabate around him, “What a lucky insignificance you are, lieutenant. Let’s find out if Lust was right in her judgment.”

Jean tries to muster the energy to respond. Instead he blacks out.

The second time he awakes, the room he’s in  _ feels _ much larger, and it’s brighter, he sees pipes lining the walls and ceiling. There was a man towering over him as he lay on the cold floor, long blond hair, porcelain white skin, long white robes. Jean already didn’t trust him as far as he could throw him.

_ Which isn’t far in his current state. _

The man grinned, it was sadistic and just too wide to feel human, “Ah. You’re awake. That’ll make this go much faster.”

He held a small shiny red pebble in his hand, showing it only for a second before he dropped it down onto one of the open gashes in Jean’s sides. He cringed, expecting it to hurt on impact, only it felt more like...gelatin. Cool and soft, it squeezed into the wound and suddenly he felt the coldness burst under his skin. Jean cried out in response to the sharp pain branching out momentarily. He clutched at his gut, rolling over onto his side and heaving for air. The numbing sensation like pins and needles spread out through his body for a few moments as he collected himself only to be thrown back into pain.

It felt like suddenly his body was attempting to explode. Combust from the inside out, everything felt like it was on  _ fire. _

_ Burning. Hot. Flames. _ Licking at the back of his neck and up his arms. It’s at this moment Jean realizes he can’t feel his legs. Everything past his waist is just...empty...he thinks maybe he can feel something, anything distantly. But he can’t reach it. And soon the burning pain becomes overwhelming again and he screams out in agony. It feels like thousands of tiny razor cuts into his skin all over. Like the pain is pushing at his seams, just  _ waiting _ to bubble over, but it just  _ won’t _ .

Jean forces his eyes open and for a second he worries he’s been blinded somehow. Everything is painfully bright white light and sears his eyes so bad he closes them back. He desperately yanks and pulls at his shirt in a frantic attempt to lessen the heat. 

_ What the hell was in that red stone? _

As quickly as the fire and pain started it ceased. Jean dropped onto the concrete below him with a thud, sweating and breathing heavily.

Next thing he knows, it’s like he was transported someplace else. Streaking red and black faces swim around him and he seems to just be...floating in the space? Faintly he can hear pained screams and cries for help from every turn it seems like. In a panic he wanders in a circle, stopping only when he notices he’s not alone.

The figure is a tall woman in a black dress with cascading black hair.

“S-Solaris?” He’d recognize her anywhere. He recognized her in the underbelly,  _ that’s how he got into this mess isn’t it? _

The woman whips around, a look of confusion and annoyance clear on her face, “Excuse me?”

_ That’s definitely her. She has the same soft purple eyes, he couldn’t forget them if he tried. _

“Solaris? W-What are you doing here?  _ Where _ is here?”  _ Priorities, Jean. _

She rolls her eyes and turns away from him again, “I don’t know who you  _ think _ I am, but this is  _ your _ subconscious, idiot.”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense, how is this- If you aren’t Sol, then who are you?”

“My name is  _ Lust _ ,” She peers over her shoulder at him, “Not that it matters, you’ll be dealt with soon enough.”

Every second of this got weirder and weirder. Jean stormed over to her, forcing her to turn and look at him with a heavy hand on her shoulder, “What do you mean I’ll be dealt with soon enough?! You’re the one trespassing! You just said this is  _ my _ subconscious!”

Not-Solaris smiled, “Yes, well, for now it is. Quite the roomy space though, what’s the price like for a place like this? No, wait, I know.  _ Your soul. _ ”

_ What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. _

Jean let go of her shoulder and took a step back.  _ How do you even respond to something like that? _ Before he could find his voice, she spoke up again, “Now don’t go getting all soft on me, lieutenant. Surrendering your body to me will give you immense power and you’ll practically live forever, you know? It’s pretty hard to kill a homunculus, something I’m sure you know somehow if you’re being given the opportunity to become one yourself.”

His blue-grey eyes met her mauve, he swears on his dedad’s grave, he  _ knows _ this is Solaris. Homunculus or not, it’s her. He thinks he sees something distant in her eyes, maybe regret or doubt or  _ something _ that can justify his next move.

“You can have it,”  _ Lust _ looks triumphant for a moment only, “On one condition.”

She rolls her eyes again, “And what is your terms before I agree to them?”

“It’s only temporary. I mean, you weren’t like doing some hocus pocus nonsense in someone else’s body before right? Maybe we can get you your own body back or something!”

_ No, he doesn’t understand a lick of this homunculus alchemy crap, but how hard can it be? She had her own body before, it can’t be too bad, can it? _

The woman laughs, it’s almost melodic, Jean thinks, “You mean you  _ don’t _ want to be immortal? I didn’t take you for a  _ fool _ , Jean.”

His name floats off her tongue, smooth like honey. He’s not sure why she doesn’t seem to get it, but there’s no way this isn’t his girlfriend...ex-girlfriend...whatever they are right now.

“And I’m not. I just don’t take kindly to trespassers, got it? I can’t imagine stealing my body would be any easier.”

Her eyes narrow at him, “And what’s the catch?”

“Nothin’. Hell, you can even run off after you get your own body for all I care. Just leave me mine and my mortality with it!” He chuckles.

Her heels click as she walks over to him on nothing, reaching a hand out in front of her, “Fine. You’ve got a deal, Jean Havoc. So long as you understand that  _ until _ that day, this body is  _ mine _ to use as I please. Unlike you, I have an important mission to deal with.”

She pulls him closer when his hand connects with her’s, her smile growing wider and her eyes glinting, “And I won’t let you get in my way. Cute or not.”

Suddenly Jean feels like he’s falling for a moment and briefly everything goes dark. Then he’s opening his eyes and standing.  _ Or he thinks he is? _ It’s almost like he’s having an out of body experience...except from inside his body. He can feel himself moving, he can see and hear and  _ feel _ , but  _ he’s _ not doing it. He realizes this must be what it feels like when Sola-  _ Lust _ is controlling his body.

_ Fuckin’ weird. _

The creepy old blond man is standing in front of him soon enough, “That took longer than usual, I half suspected the body had died. I almost let Gluttony eat him.”

_ He was almost eaten? By who? _

“Lust! You’re alive!” His body turned to see another large, stout figure bumbling over to him at full speed, tongue wagging like a dog’s.

“Gluttony!”  _ That was not his voice _ , his body knelt down beside Gluttony, presumptuously, and patted him atop the head, “I hope I didn’t worry you for too long.”

Jean couldn’t tell if she was being serious or fake nice, but the other homunculus didn’t seem to care or notice if she was faking. Honestly he just looked ecstatic for Lust to be alive. Which means she  _ did _ die...eventually. He wonders what did her in, did the damage he and Roy do catch up to her, or did something else happen after he blacked out?

The old man’s voice boomed from across the room, when Jean saw him next, he was sitting in a haphazardly built chair with all those pipes he’d seen earlier plugged into the back, “Just so you know, it wasn’t out of charity that I brought you back, Lust.”

“I know, Father.”  _ Father?! This freak’s her dad? Oh, Jean, what have you gotten yourself into? _

“I want you to use your new body to your advantage. You couldn’t learn anything from the lieutenant before, but now you’ll learn what he knows firsthand,” The man looked bored, fiddling with what looked like a chess set beside him, “The wounds he sustained from your little altercation should have paralyzed him, especially with all the moving around you put his body through afterwards. For now, you’ll have to pose as him and that means being bound to a wheelchair around others.”

His body simply nodded, Solaris wasn’t speaking whatsoever as her  _ Father _ spoke.

“Perhaps in time, you’ll be able to walk around freely, but don’t take any risks,” He looked up from his game of chess, his face was stern and his gaze left Jean with a chill down his spine, “And I won’t tolerate another failure, Lust.”

“Yes, sir. Of course, it won’t happen again, Father.”

“It better not. I can’t have you jeopardizing our plan,” He stood and waved a hand, “Envy will be your legs to the hospital.”

Jean’s body turned to face another, presumably, homunculus shorter than himself. They looked angry and Jean couldn’t blame them, their hair looked like a sad and dead palm tree...He could feel himself smirk as Sol- _ Lust _ threw her arms around the shorter’s shoulders and leaned back, “You heard Father, you’re to be my legs, Envy.”

_ At least she still had her sense of humor. _

_ Envy _ just stared at the body in his arms for a moment before crudely letting them fall to the ground, “Tch. Nobody’s down here, you can be your own damn legs until we’re back on the surface for all I care.”

Envy began walking towards the exit, not even looking back to see if they were following him. Lust picked herself back up and dusted off before quickly making up the space from Envy in long strides, “You’re no fun, Envy.”

“Yeah, whatever. The military’s already sent out search parties for your little  _ boyfriend _ , best not to keep them waiting.”

* * *

Witnessing Envy transform into a soldier before his eyes left an impression, Jean wonders if he ever spoke to the brat without knowing in the past, and if so how many times? The doctors he saw after arriving at the hospital  _ definitely _ knew something was up, which he supposes would be the case regardless seeing as apparently he  _ could _ use his legs and he was missing for hours but was found alone and unharmed miles away from where he was seen last. Except these doctors definitely knew  _ more _ than just that.

He doesn’t think they did any legit tests on him either. They whispered amongst themselves and did busy work that looked like they were doing something, and then sent him out with “paralyzed and medically discharged” slapped across his forehead.

_ Not literally, of course. _

Jean’s really not liking the look of things here, whatever case Roy’s stumbled onto this time is clearly  _ big _ and he’s not sure the colonel knows just how big.

* * *

The first few days in his hospital room was boring and uneventful, mostly full of nurses and doctor’s checking on him and helping him with his wheelchair. Lust clearly wasn’t joking when she said his body was going to be in her control, he can’t think of the last time  _ he _ did anything more than float in his subconscious and sleep.

_ Was it sleep? Or was it just resting? Can you sleep in your subconscious? Crap, he had a lot of questions to ask when he gets the chance. _

Jean’s not sure what he expected Lust to do with his body in their freetime, but actively keeping up to date with some crappy radio soap was not even close to a guess. He’s tried his damnedest not to listen along, but it’s not like he has a choice. At this point, he’s grasped a vague idea of the story, if it can be called that. So far he’s pretty sure it’s just been about some alchemist woman beating up people and occasionally crying.

Suddenly without warning, the radio clicks off and he no longer can see outside of his body.

“You know, most people consider talking during the show is rude,” Lust is standing in front of him now, “Well, I wasn’t talking.”

She sighs, “Yes, well, I can hear you asking yourself questions and complaining about The Shattered Legacy. It makes focusing on the radio kind of hard.”

“Oh...well, while you’re here there’s some stuff I wanted to ask you about and-”

She turned away from him, “No,” Heels clicking as she starts to walk.

“I just wanted to ask about your death! I figured maybe it could help us get you your own body back and stuff, I don’t understand alchemy all too well, but it’s gotta be involved, right?”

Lust freezes for a moment, Jean can see her shoulders tense up and rise, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?  _ You _ died, didn’t ya’?”  _ How would she not know how she died? _

“I mean,  _ I. Don’t. Know. _ When Father revives us, we don’t come back with any memory of our past lives. They’re useless to us, the memory of a lives  _ we _ didn’t lead,” She paused for a second and sighed, “Some even with attachments that would only slow us down.”

Jean frowned, “That’s kinda...sad. Don’t you guys get lonely? Or miss the feeling of something you can’t remember?”

Another beat of silence.

“No. We are not humans, feelings like that are signs of weakness that we, thankfully, don’t have.”

Jean’s feeling like  _ saving _ Solaris is gonna be much harder than he originally expected.

* * *

Eventually, Colonel Mustang came to pay Jean a visit. Personally, he saw it coming. He was part of Mustang’s team, of course it was only a matter of time until he came to check on him. His companion however...did  _ not _ seem to expect the visit. At the time Roy walked in, Jean was content trying to rest, not even noticing it was Roy and Hawkeye who had entered the room. Until he feels his body go tense, and he feels Roy’s gloved hand on his shoulder gently shaking him.

For whatever reason, Lust wasn’t responding, just staring between Roy and Riza. Jean could definitely feel her nervous energy.  _ Don’t have feelings, my ass. You don’t get nervous if you’re unfeeling. _

“Sol...hey, listen, if Mustang hears you talk, he’ll know you aren’t me,” No response, “You can’t be in control right now, let me take the helm.”

_ Taking _ control was a lot harder than he expected, he wasn’t 100% sure how to do it, but he kind of assumed he could just take over by force of will alone somehow. If that  _ was _ the case, Lust has quite to hold on his body.

“Solaris. Listen, you’ll be able to hear everything, just let me take control for a while. You can still get your information for your dad. If you speak though, you won’t get anything out of Roy.”

And then Jean feels like he’s  _ falling _ again. He takes that as a good sign. And then everything feels  _ sharper _ , everything he sees is more in focus, he can hear small sounds now like the sound of people walking down the hall outside. It takes a moment for him to register that  _ he _ is in control now. The back of his throat feels dry and scratchy, he doubles over coughing violently for a moment.

When he looks back up, he sees Roy and even Riza looking at him with concern painted on their faces, “Ah, I’m fine. Swear it, just having a hard time focusing, guys.”

The two beside him didn’t look like they believed him one bit. Jean really hoped his lying skills have improved, he was about to have to tell one hell of a story to explain what happened while he was gone.

The night after Roy visited, Jean took the chance to  _ actually _ sleep while he had control of the body. Only his rest was interrupted rudely from the same nervous energy he had felt earlier from Lust when Roy arrived. He sat up and stretched, “Alright, Solaris, what is it?”

He was surprised to find he could hear her respond despite not being in his subconscious, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jean.”

“Yeah, you do,” He let out a yawn, “What about the colonel has got you on edge?”

This woman certainly enjoyed leaving him waiting for answers, “Mustang. He’s the one who killed me.”

_ Oh _ , “So, he really did do you in? Must’ve happened after I blacked out then.”

“Yes. He used your lighter and burned me alive enough times that I ran out of power.”

“Oh...jeez, that’s kind of intense...are you alright, you think?”

Lust groaned, “I don’t know how many times you need me to remind you, I don’t experience the same feelings you do, Jean.”

“Right. Force of habit,” He grinned, hoping to pull a smile out of her to no avail.

Jean laid back down, prepared to  _ actually _ get some sleep finally. Lust had a different plan though, “It’s a good idea though.”

“Huh?”

“Letting you control the body while I listen. It makes it easier to ensure I get my job done with minimal risks. You were right.”

Jean let out a chuckle, “Damn right, I was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also Jean is a french character in design and he's a "self proclaimed country boy" so I admittedly take some liberties with his family and background as a cajun french country boy myself! But don't worry I'm being careful not to like change his character lmao, for anyone who didn't get it Jean's "dedad" is one of his grandpas
> 
> The second chapter is gonna be from Roy's POV :^)


	2. Right in Plain View

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roy POV Time :^) with a side of royai because what do you expect from me? this chapter is a little choppier and shorter than the last, not as much stuff to cover yunno?

Roy Mustang is too stubborn to die. Or at least that’s what he’s been told, time and time again, from his aunt to his superiors to Riza. It doesn’t seem to matter what God throws at him or what the odds are, Roy Mustang just  _ refuses _ to die.

And a time like this, he’s never been prouder of that fact.

Right now, his soldiers need him.  _ His friends _ need him. Havoc, Riza, even Alphonse...they’re depending on him. And he’s not about to let a single one of them down.

Jean doesn’t respond when he tries to get a reply out of him, Roy feels his heart stop a moment until he notices Jean rustling. The blond rolls over onto his back and groans and Roy thinks he’s awake. But then there’s a voice from somewhere faraway, maybe further down the tunnels or from the space they found Lust further this way. It’s metallic and distorted, almost like it’s many voices all speaking at once.

“I sure hope dear Lust isn’t getting soft. It would be a shame to lose such a valuable asset so close to the Promised Day.”

It gives him a feeling of dread, especially as the room seems to grow darker around him. He’s not falling out of consciousness, he  _ knows _ he isn’t. Roy hears scraping across the floor beside him and sees Jean’s body slowly but surely sliding away from him and out into the hall.

“No! Havoc!” He tries to reach out to him only to be faced with a sharp pain shooting out from his side. The voice laughs, echoing all around him, almost like it’s  _ mocking _ him.

_ One problem at a time, Mustang. _

He needs to close this wound and stop the bleeding now before he can even  _ consider _ doing anything else. Roy forces himself up, leaning against the doorway to stay up. He pauses briefly to watch helplessly as the darkness drags Jean further and further away.

_ One. Problem. At a time. _

The process of opening his coat and his shirt takes more time than he would like. The pain in his side limiting his mobility for the task greatly, “I swear. Once I’m Fuhrer, I’ll have to change these damned uniforms. All of these buttons and buckles...it’s a waste of time.”

The holes are admittedly thin but cut all the way through, the deep red from his blood staining his skin and clothes. Had the homunculus sliced him any more to the right...she could have killed him or paralyzed him. Roy realizes in that moment that Jean had been stabbed through his spine, he could be paralyzed if he’s not already dead. It’s selfish, but part of Roy is glad he didn’t get to his friend before the darkness did. He’s not sure he could handle the guilt that it was his own foolishness that paralyzed him in a frantic attempt to help him right now.

_ He has enough things to worry about. _

Roy reaches for the lighter on the floor, luckily not out of reach, and grabs a small, thin metal shard as well. He’ll need a transmutation circle if he wants to cauterize his wounds...the back of his hand is big enough for a small one…

At first he thought Lust’s claws spearing him would have hurt worse than his own flames. But he should have known how bad they burned. He nearly passes out before he’s even done. When Roy stands, he’s still not totally there, shaky and unsteady on his own feet. But he’s got no time to lose.

He takes one look down the way Jean was dragged, Roy assumes whatever that darkness was or was hiding is another homunculus.  _ How many of those damn things are there? _ He wants to follow his fallen soldier but gunshots echo out from the other direction, and Riza screaming…

“Don’t either of you die on me now. That is an order from your superior officer,” Roy starts making his way towards Riza as quickly as he can, “We’ll come back for you, Jean. I promise. We’ll  _ all _ get out of this alive.”

* * *

He’s angry when the medics don’t let him go look for Havoc. Jean is  _ his _ soldier, he should be leading the search parties. The doctors argue and threaten to strap him down if he doesn’t comply and let them work. Roy scoffs but he knows he’s no use to anyone if his condition worsens, “Fine.”

The doors to the ambulance slam shut after Riza climbs in alongside the doctors, she looks shaken. It’s not something Roy sees often, he had  _ asked _ her to lead one of the search parties but he can’t really find it in himself to be angry with her. Not now. She was ready to give up in the tunnel. Quietly, Roy takes one of her hands in his own. The action startles her surprisingly and her eyes meet his, she doesn’t return his small smile, but she doesn’t pull away from him either, “I asked Alphonse to take my place in the search.”

“Lieutenant, he’s just a kid-”

Riza held a hand up, “Sir, he may be a child but he  _ asked _ to help. No one else was down there with us. Just because he is young, does not mean he is incapable. If it wasn’t for Alphonse, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. You don’t get those boys enough credit, sir.”

Roy just sighed, this wasn’t an argument he could win. She was right. But just because the Elric’s  _ can _ , doesn’t mean they should. They shouldn’t be anymore involved in this mess than they  _ have _ to be.

“I know you think you’re protecting them somehow,” Riza’s looking at him again, brown eyes reading him better than he could read himself, “But whether you like it or not, they’re here. The more you try and keep them out, the harder they’re going to push. At least this way, you can keep an eye on them.”

Her smile is smug, like she  _ knows _ she’s won this round.

* * *

Even after getting the much needed medical attention, he’s not allowed to join the search parties. Even after pulling his rank. The most work he can do right now is  _ paperwork _ . Sifting through seemingly endless files looking for any trace or mention of homunculi and their abilities.

It’s boring, slow, and stuffy work. He’s a state alchemist, not a desk jockey, he should be on the field.

Without warning the doors to his office fly open, Lieutenant Breda comes barrelling in, he pauses to catch his breath before shooting Roy a grin, “They found Havoc!”

“Huh?” Roy barely has the time to stand from his desk before Breda straighten ups and salutes, speaking quickly, “General Davies’ team found him. He was out cold on one of the benches in the park down the road from the fifth laboratory, sir. He’s receiving medical attention right now, but he will be permitted visitors in a few days after all their tests and crap are finished.”

Roy returned to his seat at the desk with a sigh, “What’s his condition, lieutenant?”

“They said he may be paralyzed from the waist down and-” Breda paused for a moment, like he was unsure how to word the next part, “They said Jean may no longer be mentally fit to serve, sir.”

It’s the first confirmation Roy has for his suspicions. Whatever it was that took Havoc away that night in the lab is  _ definitely _ part of something much bigger. Physically unfit would have been one thing, even Roy had understood the possibility of that happening, but Lieutenant Jean Havoc wouldn’t let a fight like that render him  _ mentally _ unfit.

* * *

He hates to admit that he didn’t visit Havoc the first chance he got. He still had work to clean up and he didn’t want to draw the attention of anyone or any _ thing _ by rushing to Havoc’s side. It’d be a clear sign that he  _ knew _ something was up and Roy wasn’t going to show his hand so easily.  _ Not without a fight. _

In the meantime, the rest of their unit kept him up to date with Havoc’s progress. 

_ “They’re finally allowing visitors, sir.” _

_“Doc said he’ll be lucky to ever use his legs again,”_ _Breda had looked especially grumpy with that news._

_ “Apparently Jean hasn’t been talkin’ a lot. And he’s been listening to radio dramas, the man must be going crazy in that hospital room on his own.” _

About a week and a half after Jean’s admission to the hospital, Roy finally takes his chance to visit. Riza joins him, a precaution and additional pair of eyes should their enemies get bold. Upon entering Havoc’s hospital room, Roy noticed something was off  _ immediately. _ And he trusted Riza noticed as well.

_ Bad sign. _

The second Jean turned to face the two in the door, he froze. Eyes flicking between Roy and Riza, he looked like a frightened animal.  _ Like he might attack at the slightest movement. _ Slowly, Roy approached the bed, Riza staying close behind, hand on her gun. Havoc hardly reacted until Roy placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, which made the blond jolt from the touch.

“Jean?” He lightly shook his friend’s shoulder, “Lieutenant Havoc, are you alright?”

_ Strange, since when are his eyes purple? _

A few minutes felt like ages as Jean just continued to stare silently at him. Then he gasps and Roy  _ knows _ something’s different, something changed. Jean’s gaze seems softer, more present... _ his eyes are blue again. Did he just hallucinate the purple color? _ Though Roy swears he still sees flecks of purple in them. Without warning Jean keels over and starts hacking up nothing.

And just as quick as it had started it ended and he was looking back up at Roy,  “Ah, I’m fine. Swear it, just having a hard time focusing, guys.”

He flashed a small smile, but Roy isn’t stupid. Jean is  _ hiding _ something from them. Havoc shuffles in the bed some, getting comfortable and readjusting so he can sit up more. Roy catches a glimpse of something red under his hospital gown, just below his collar and right above his chest, like a small tattoo maybe.

The story Jean gives for his disappearance is fake. Roy doesn’t need to be some sort of genius to know that. Inconsistencies, hesitation, vague descriptions...Havoc was bullshitting the entire time, like he didn’t even  _ prepare _ a lie.

He was reluctant to talk about what or who dragged him away in the lab, and despite being paralyzed, failed to mention any sort of accomplice or anyone who had assisted him getting around. Blamed his apparent memory loss to having been drugged, which would have been a decent lie if there was any evidence of drugs in his system. But Roy had looked over his files, he was clean as a whistle.

Eventually Roy and Riza left, Roy shutting the door quietly behind him and looking to Riza in front of him, “He’s lying.”

“Clearly.”

He motioned for them to begin walking back to his office, “Did you see his chest?”

“An ouroboros tattoo. Like the homunculus from the lab,” Riza spoke softly but with severity, Roy nodded, “Exactly. But that was  _ definitely _ Havoc in front of us. He smelled like an ashtray, spoke with the same slight accent even. Could a homunculus mimic those details?”

“I don’t know, sir. I haven’t had any luck on my end, how is your search going?”

“Just as many dead ends as expected. This feels like a wild goose chase sometimes,” Roy sighs.

**Author's Note:**

> Also Jean is a french character in design and he's a "self proclaimed country boy" so I admittedly take some liberties with his family and background as a cajun french country boy myself! But don't worry I'm being careful not to like change his character lmao, for anyone who didn't get it Jean's "dedad" is one of his grandpas
> 
> The second chapter is gonna be from Roy's POV :^)
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Follow me @bunnythechopper on tumblr to keep up with this AU and others!


End file.
